Last night, I watched the Miss USA 2007 pageant on TV. Can I just tell you, the bodies on those girls are RIDICULOUS! I mean, I could smell the hunger from the television set watching them strut in their bikinis.
Miss Tennessee, now Miss USA, and her bangin' body.
Yet, no matter how ridiculous or unrealistic it is to have these kinds of bodies, I am miserably tempted by the "dream body type." Yeah, so I know curves are back, or trying to come back....the truth is, nobody looks better in couture then a really skinny woman. Who's that princess that once said, "You can never be too rich or too thin". I think she was a duchess, but whatev.
UGH! The price I'm paying for fashion.
So here are my options to a perfect body:
1. The Supermodel Diet: This basically is a glam term for anorexia. It consists of a large cup of black coffee for breakfast and a pack of cigarettes for lunch and dinner. This option will be hard since I think smoking is gross. What else can I substitute for cigs? Hmmm, alcohol has calories huh? lol.
2. Exercise bulimia. Everytime I put something in my mouth, I'll keep count of the calories then jog them off on the treadmill until the amount of burned calories are reached. This would be cool, but I have knocked knees and so I look like an idiot running. Sucks!
3. COLONIC. Now this one, guys, I am seriously considering. I saw an flier on the subway advertising one for $95. I know a lot of celebs do it to get rid of the toxins in their body and it actually shrinks your stomach. It's the ultimate fat flush! Like an enema, but fancier.
For your knowledge, a colonic is when they stick a hose up your anus (OUCH!) and fill your stomach with water. Then, after you've been hosed up, they SUCK it all back, along with the shit in your body. I believe the tube is clear so you can actually SEE the junk in your trunk! OMGD! It sounds so gross, but soooooo interesting! Imagine being the nurses that do these procedures? They must really hate their job. However, if this goes well for me, they will be my ultimate heroes.
COLONIC, HEIDI'S A COMIN'!!!!!!!